LSUHSC
Pathology Department in Shreveport, Louisiana recognizes that each of
our residents and fellows possess tremendous talent in many areas. Dr.
Greg Wellman, graduating resident, shared one of his by delighting everyone
at the 2005 graduation celebration with his own entertaining pathology
jingle...
You have all earned my gratitude,
For your wonderful and caring attitude.
So I hope I can make your funny bone tingle,
As I read you this Pathology jingle. "
It makes our program better than the rest.
All the interesting cases, the staff would show us,
And it only got better when they added Dr. Albores.
'Gollee, I’ve shown you this before,
You must read, read, and read some more.
I described this entity, so please don’t guess,
If you don’t know, I will be depressed'."
Who doesn’t like a good FNA.
Stick the patient, make smear, stain the slide,
All I need is one cell, you say with pride.
But hold on, better call the lab pronto,
‘Cause it looks like you forgot the Sacamano.
The cells you want, we just don’t see them,
Perhaps just one more pass, for EM."
I knew nothing and felt like a dope.
AML, CML it’s all so confusing,
I’m not even sure which immunostain they’re using.
Hey, it’s malaria they must be from East Asia,
No, look again dummy, that’s myelodysplasia.
The month is over and I’m glad I’m through,
Because I was starting to call my kids CD1 and CD2."
This patient’s been here a week, such urgency seems strange.
Lab work shmab work, they don’t need to see,
Schistocytes on the smear to call it TTP.
Connect, disconnect, no time for mingling,
Tell me sir, are your lips tingling?"
We’re not sure why they died, but their bile duct is patent.
Cut this, measure that, weigh it on the balance,
Remember, no blood in the picture if you’re gonna show it at conference.
And if there is a lesion for which you have no recollection
Above all else, make sure that you take a section."
Until you realize that you forgot to run the bowel.
But wait, hold on, your just getting started,
You now have the PAD, dictate, and read slides of the dearly departed.
Oh, but when it’s time to cut the brain, that should be a breeze,
You slice coronal sections, front to back with such ease.
Until Dr. Fowler comes down and you feel a sense of rejection,
Because, for the life of you, you can’t remember the appropriate sections."
Who doesn’t like the smell of necrotic feet.
Colons, prostates, uteri, and placentas galore
But it’s the radical necks that I adore.
Find those lymph nodes, better not slack,
Or tomorrow you’ll be going back.
Two hours and 30 nodes later, you’re feeling joyful,
Until you hear Jim say, 'Guess what, it’s bilateral'."
1 part, 5 parts, there’s no way of knowing.
15 skins with margins, I can’t believe my eyes,
I should have know it’s Friday and I’ve been Stuckerized.
All benign and the patient didn’t suffer,
Until the bill goes out from Jennifer,
7,000 dollars and all the patient can do,
is look at it and say, who the hell is Dr. Gu?"
Now Seth and Brandi will get to show their substance.
But don’t let it get to you, stay above the fray,
It’s just like dear Dr. Abreo would say,
Don’t turn to that bottle of Gin or Vodka,
Just throw your arms up and say, Makanaka."
But if worse comes to worse, Dr. Fowler can get me that job in Zwolle.
And so a sincere thank you, I would like to extend,
I will always consider ya’ll my friends.
It is with great sadness that I must depart,
All of my mentors who taught me Pathology, the science and the art.
And if you feel as I do, then take solice,
I will come back to visit, I promise.
And for those, tonight, who didn't like what they did hear,
At least it was shorter than Ashit’s speech last year."
Written by Dr. Greg Wellman